I don't talk about this stuff online; this is my first post ever. Been dealing with major depression now for over fifteen years. Life is a mess, keep losing jobs and despite being overeducated and extremely intelligent have not been able to get my life in order since at least '93. I'm burnt out. Exhausted.

I just fell apart. I'm an artist. Or was. The spark just died; I havent' been able to paint for over a decade. I won awards, got scholarships, went to grad school, and I blew it. I just can't get my *** out of the rut no matter how much therapy and medications and all that stuff I have gone through. I;m cursed.

I just lost my job again. I have less than a thousand in the bank, and I was doing so well after over a ayear of being unemployed and homeless. I trusted the people who said they would help, and the minit I got a little bit of work it was all about how I'm a user with these women. I still harbor a lot of anger and resentment toward these two women that said they wanted to help but just laid guilt trips on me. It's always about them. I'm so bloody angry. I got myself out of those toxic relationships as fast as I could.