Simon,
I now live in a different city so no, I don't visit the grave site very often. Both my parents are buried there as well as my daughter, so, I do go from time to time.

I am cognizant of his/abuser's proximity when I'm there. But I prepare myself as best as I can and if it doesn't go well, then I leave. To be perfectly honest, I feel some empowerment seeing his grave without visiting his grave--if that makes any sense! I'm not sure how to explain it. The hard part are the memories, that remains the real saboteur.

I'm around, pm anytime.

notz