Perhaps it's just the cloudy, overcast day but below seems a lot closer than above today.

The holidays are always a rough time of year. Maybe because there are no longer children with their laughs and giggles around any more. Or it could be I'm in the "dead zone" that the cell phone company talks about.

I'm fully aware there are all types of charities and organizations I could be involved with. However, that involves getting out of the house and I don't think I'm up to that.

There are issues at home that are suffocating. But my back problems are getting worse. Sometimes I try to fool myself into believing I depressed because of my back problems. While my back problems are a contributing factor to my depression they are not the dominant reason.

Life is getting very restrictive as to what I can and cannot do. And I have nowhere to go for help. I can't make my bed, load and unload the dishwasher, can't put the clothes in or take them out of the dryer, pull weeds, mow the yard without pain.

I cannot walk or stand for long periods of time. This makes it very difficult to go shopping for clothes, groceries, or a trip to Walmart for Kleenex.

I can't change things to improve life at home and life at home is becoming unbearable. I know I'm suppose to accept the things I can not change, but it hurts (a deep down inside type of hurt). I'm not sure just how much more I can take.

As a frog of little brain I'm wondering, what does hope look like? How do you know when you have lost it?