well today was a upsetting day. i got two bad messeges from my niece who was talking for my mom who could not do it her self who had to hide behind a 12 year old and tell my niece what to say and she could not do it. everything that is going on goes back to when i was a kid to now and how i was treated and could not understand why i was treated different then my sister was and now i understand why. my mom loved her more and loves my sister's kids more then my kids. i thought i was ok to express how you feel to those who have hurt you well that i what i did. well i guess i should have not. to them i live to far and it cost to much money for them to visit and for my mom to see her other two grandkids and her daughter but it is ok for me to take the trip down and i should not say anything. and i guess i am to ask my family first when it comes to my wedding not my husband's family. and when it came to babysitting and my mom said she would help me sister so she can get a job but when i ask my mom said no. and i am not to get mad about that. and when it came to my sister's kids being born and my mom had no problem seeing them in the hospital but she had a big problem when my kids were born i am not to get mad about that too. there is so much that i have the right to get mad at and hurt by that i seen how my mom treated me and how she treated my sister. my mom hates her son and don't want to see him. my mom give her son up. my mom said i have to much time on my hand to sit and think i guess i am not to think but she has so much more time on her hands and that is ok. and it is ok for my sister to come down on me and it isn't ok for me too. there is so much more but i just want to speak out and just i guess say how much i am hurting and upset and mad and everything because of this. i wrote them a letter well my niece and saying how much i am sorry for what happen and sorry if i said anything upseting well she laugh and my mom laugh at that. i guess manny was right. they don't care and i have to see. and see once and for all that they don't care about me or my kids. what did i do so wrong to them but express how i feel i thought that was what i am to do.

well i lost a mom, sister and niece and i am not sure about my nephew. my niece's birthday is coming up and she make sure that i am not to go and she don't care if i do or don't and if i send anything she will send it back. how does that make me feel. she threw everything back in my face so did my mom. i said i was sorry and i said how much i loved them and how much them mean to me and this is how much they care about me and my kids. after all these years it all comes out. why what did i do so wrong.