Okay AG, IMHO this is not about forgiveness. This is about the fear and pain you still harbor from the experience. This is the root of the problem. I also believe it fuels your depression and not just that, but the very depth of your depression. It may not be the only thing, but it's a biggy. It's time to confront those demons, let the skeletons out of the closet and bring it all out into the light. It is in the light we are healed. Write about it, talk to your t about it. Is this someone you still see or know? Or was the last time you saw this person?

As for my food issues, I put all that behind me years ago. I've spent the last 20 years in counseling and while I may not be where I want to be, at least I'm not where I use to be.

Have you heard of regression therapy? Perhaps this is a tool that would be good for you.

It won't be easy AG, but you already know that because it's not been easy carrying all this around inside you. It's a heavy burden to bare. I say dump that load and be done with it.
TgrsPurr. xoxo