((kebs))
we are moving along similar paths...
wanna hold hands and help each other keep going?

As the others have suggested, please contact your physician about the pain/meds. You probably already know this, but it is law that you have adequate pain control. With chronic conditions like ours, there is much leeway in what can be prescribed to help.

Hope is such an intangible and so different for each person.
I don't know what hope is until I realize I've lost it again. It's almost always when I wonder if things will ever get better or is the rest of my life going to be like it is right this moment...
Frustration, rage, then sadness at the possibility of things never getting one iota better.
It will come back to your loving heart, kebs. it might be napping right now but it will come back.

For me, the holidays can be a downer until I stop thinking it has to be like the Waltons or the Cleavers or any "Hallmark" kind of thing. I gotta work with what I have and sometimes it's not very much...

I'm sorry that your soul is hurting so much, kebs.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are...
We care
I care

Cap