i am so sorry that your mother passed away when you were still just a very young child - and was ill even before then. and i am even more sorry that no one could practice any sanity or reason and see that a young boy has got to grieve and do all sorts of stuff and then be able to find his way out of it - seems a father should have helped with that. and i'm so sorry that no one stepped up to the mother role in your life. every child deserves a mother. seems your father's wife could have done better in that department.

the things that happened to you were very emotionally crippling and that kinda stuff just doesnt go away and i'm sure its rearing its ugly head in a situation like the recent divorce.
please,please - go easy on yourself during this time.

but come hell or high water youve got to get this right. its not your fault. its not fair what happened in your life. but there are people out there that can help you. i agree with everyone else - youve got to get some real help. the quality of your life is at stake.

i think you can do this and youve got all of us to talk to.
sincerely,
clara