Thanks to everyone for their comments. It's a huge wake up call unfortunately someone else's tragedy can be an important learning experience for others. It's sad for many reasons but one thing is he had more time than me and was the manager so there was always that looking up to him aspect in the past. Then to see someone fall that bad just is...not really sure the word for it.

I have two seven 1/2 month stints of sobriety yet when back to the alcohol and can't help but think what could of been if I had stayed sober. So much that I don't even think I can list it all if I wanted too.

It was officially a week yesterday sober for me. And this morning I kind of feel like I'm coming back to life. Feeling my emotions - good ones and bad ones but it's really nice to feel again. That's one thing I really treasured about my past periods of soberiety is to feel things again that I stopped feeling when I drank or distored when active in my addiction. Catching a bolt of lightening and hoping to run with it.

I have to tell ya though I've been having crazy dreams but they all seem so related to my life problems and my feelings. One last night was i went into the psych unit again and my Parents (who both passed in the last year) picked me up when I was discharged. Makes sense though because they were big anchors in trying to help me stay sober. Ok now I'm getting teary eyed typing this so I better get a shower and get some things done with my day. Job hunting in my neighborhood today. Wish me luck!