Hi Jenny,

welcome to the fold ,

For me it was first compulsive over eating which turned to bulimia . when I saw I needed to control it because I truly was out of control. I was sleeping and would eat as soon as I woke up and then went back to sleep . It was the reminder of My mother telling me what she did when young and wouldn't you know My first boyfriend was a wrestler and he told me he threw up in order to loose weight and he rejected me for being over weight.

How do you spell set up.

I tried it and it was just so easy for me it became a curse..

I became anorexic in it took the form of not having anything in my body in order to lose weight.

I would hopped on the scale every day . My body image was skewed. To put words to it now i would say I had a FAT brain that made me FEEL fat which translated into the mirror when I looked at myself.

When I feel fat its usually that Im hurt or have been rejected just a list of negative messages that get in my mind and collect and gather and escalate.

Then I open the fridge door and say ..

"Is there any one in there that can help me ."

Or puruse the store isles thinking "a bag of several would be nice" and the rationalization comes in as to "I can handel this" or "I SHOULD be able to"
Thats a tip off im in trouble . If it gets home It calls to me . Its not worth it.

If i pay attention to how I set myself up I can change my mind . change the scenary , Move a muscle change a thought.

I still have some fears more for the future (if Im so lucky to have another day.} I do very well on my own . Its when others enter the picture and try to mange My disorder that adds anxziety . Makes me have to assert my boundries . I just don't want to explain or reveal to others .And thats work for me. I practice by chatting in the miorr in preparation for the right gental yet strong words to use.

Another thread for another day. Glad your here . together we can help ourselves .

Aurora