((((((((((((( Blacktears )))))))))))))))))

You asked "aren't holidays supposed to be happy?", my answer is that I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves to be happy which only makes the situation that much worse. I am trying very hard to just accept that holidays don't make me happy at this time because I put way to much pressure on myself to have that perfect holiday.

As for your relationship with your husband, is he willing to go to therapy with you? Sometimes it's hard for our loved ones to understand what we are going through and maybe attending therapy with you could be an eye opening experience for him. Please remember that you don't have to be anywhere(with a few exceptions of course), it sounds like you really need to evaluate your relationship to explore if it is fixable and what the best decisions are for you and your family.