Where does one turn when there is nowhere left to turn? I am at a complete loss. I see people I know moving forward, getting married, making friends, advancing careers, just plain old engaged in life. I on the other hand have been stuck in the same inescapable rut for 20 years, friendless, loveless, broke, and miserable. I have tried, and tried, went back to school to get a B.A but ran out of money before graduation now stuck with a 400.00 a month student loan payment for the remainder of my life, and no B.A to show for it. I live in a closet, literally a closet with sheets drawn across the top with an folding camping cot as a bed. I can't afford a car, so am stuck in a dead end, low paying crappy job with zero hope of ever being able to earn enough to help propel me out of this hole. By the way did I mention I have zero talent or skill in any area. I am not particularly intelligent, and am constantly in fear of everything. So yeah I guess you could say I have a bit of a negative thinking problem. How do I stop it? how do I gain a foothold in that elusive world of self confidence.
You know, I blame my parent for my failure. I know that is not the correct thing to say, as we are all suppose to take responsibility for ourselves, but damn it! if not for my co-dependant mother, and narcissistic father maybe I would have learned to make better decisions, maybe I would have developed a more optimistic outlook on life, maybe I would have learned to cooperate, and maintain relationships with people, maybe I would have been loved and nurtured and known what it felt like to feel safe, and secure when it feels my world is falling apart. Why don't people think before procreating? Why do people take having children so lightly? Some people just should not be parents.