I know no1 really wants to read my rants, whining, confession.. whatever you name it... Just need to tell somebody though I don't even know why bother.. Don't tell me it's important - I know that already, I keep telling to myself how important I am every single day.. It just won't work.

Uhmm.. anyway. I'm typing which is weird because normally I can't even click "create new thread" thingy.. Oh.. here we go again.. grrrr

I had this dream last night.. I remember myself on a train with this sad girl sitting next to me - not sure whether we were close friends or not, but I felt kinda worried about her - like both of us really needed to reach the destination point. Like.. together. But she was angry (or worried?) with me somehow.. didn't want to explain things and I just couldn't figure out the reason she was.. like that. Anyway, this train suddenly stops in the middle of nowhere -fields fields fields everywhere - no roads, no shacks, no nothing. The girl immediately rushes towards the door, jumps off to the ground and runs away. I just can't let this happen, I follow her.
Next thing I know - I'm standing near the railroad track. The train was there a moment ago but now it's gone... theres no sign of that girl. But i feel her presence.. like she is everywhere in the world (yes, I know.. nonsense.. right).
Looking around.. Just an endless green field with some trees and funny little hedge along the track.. and the brisk wind..
It feels great. I'm in a lonely place but it's.. I can't put this in words. It's like absolute tranquillity, the ultimate peace of mind. I've never felt this way before, at least in my real life.

It was just for a second - my stupid alarm clock woke me up, but.. if there is a chance to feel like this constantly... if this is the how "normal" people live their lives. Jeez.

Normally, I dream of violent and scary stuff like plane crashes, car wrecks, shooting, nuclear war aftermath, some scary ancient 9 feet tall undead dudes with knives trying to stab me, necromancers, witches in disguise, dead people walking. The rest is horrible and makes me sick. I even saw myself dead after suicide the other day.. in a dream of course.. sigh.

This last one was so unusual. I wonder what it means.. who was the girl.. what was the place.. where did train go. A lot of questions without answers - good.

Don't ask me why I wrote this crap. Just my thoughts for tonight (3 am here). What was the phrase? "one day at a time".. yeah. like that.. I did it once more. thanks for reading. it means a lot to me. (tho me knows it's boring hehehe ;D)..

everyone
whatever it takes - feel good!