An alternative take on clinicians talking to one another (that they are probably aiming for) is `continuity of care' and `holistic / integrated treatment'.

That being said, I don't like it when my clinician's talk to each other about me, either.

But... Why don't I like it when my clinician's talk to each other about me? For me... It is because I think they are more likely to work each other up into a state of more profound misunderstanding than if they involved me in that process. It is because I think... That they are likely to be *****ing about me :-(

Can you figure out what it is about it that you don't like? It might be that... There can be some negotiating about that such that you feel better...

I think that different people use the term 'boundaries' in different ways and sometimes I think that the term is in danger of being a catch-phrase and that 'boundary issues' in particular tends to become almost meaninglesness...

That being said here is one way I had 'boundaries' described to me...

A cell membrane is a boundary between the inside of the cell (its self) and the outside of the cell. The cell needs the membrane in order to maintain its integrity as a distinct organism. The cell also needs to take in and expell from its environment or it will die, however. So there are pores in the cell and some things are given access and others are not. And some things need to work a little to get it.

A tree is seperate from and yet connected to its environment. The roots need to take in water and nutrients, the leaves need to take in light. But the tree isn't just continuous with the environment, it has a distinct integrity (existence) of its own.

Boundary issues are things that affect the integrity of ourself or another. But... Affect the integrity how? Well... Physical and sexual abuse are typically considered to be major boundary violations. How come? Because typically the person is like 'I really really really really really don't want you to do that to me' and the other person disregards their desires for their own. If your mother had have been serious about feeling very strongly about your leaving her room (because she needed her personal space back) then disregarding that desire would have been a boundary violation.

We kinda bump around doing the best we can with this, I think. Nobdoy has this down pat. So hard to know what to do when genuine interests conflict... That is the trouble really. In interpersonal relations all parties have their own interests and needs and desires and weighing those to come to the best decision for all is about the hardest thing in the world. I think that boundary violations... Are when one person doesn't get their needs or preferences weighted accordingly...

"I was kind of perturbed and asked why I have to change and be assertive when it doesn't come naturally to me. Why can't these people just treat me with respect without me asking it of them?"

Yes. I had that for so long. So very long... I've since learned that most people in this world simply aren't very sensitive to the feelings of others. They don't notice. I think that people who have been hurt have this special sensitivity to other people (at times) such that they can pick up on things that others fail to notice... So... My father used to ask me to house sit for him and I would express reluctance... And he would just power on with 'so we will come and get you and take you to the supermarket'... and basically just disregard my preference not to do it for his own interests. And I... Used to feel walked over and like my preferences didn't matter :-( And the most upsetting thing of all to me was that he knew I didn't want to do it but he just pushed on with asserting his preference nevertheless.

I talked to him about it one day and said that really I would prefer not to do it. It was hard for me to get to university from where he lived and that was the main virtue of my living on campus. That my friends wouldn't come visit me where he lived because it was too far away but all my friends were there on campus. He was surprised that those were issues that were important to me and that those issues made it an unattractive option. He thought that he was positively doing me a favor because I'd get a big house to myself and a huge tv etc etc etc. And... I do think that there was a little bit of his having difficulty finding someone else who was appropriate. But know what? In saying that I had a strong preference not to do it - but that I would if they really were stuck... That was a kind of fairly flexible way of setting boundaries. Basically 'no'... Unless... You really need me to do it. I'd really prefer not but I do understand that someone needs to feed and hang with the cat... But you need to understand that it is asking a lot of me.

So... My integrity maintained and I felt okay about things and not walked over or used or disregarded or taken advantage of or disrespected (which he didn't really mean to do - but you do have to be clear with people when their interests conflict with your own they do tend to selectively attend to things... They do indeed...).

Sometimes... People simply can't read our minds / emotions the way that sometimes... We (quite genuinely - from their POV) can...