Ok, did you breathe at all while typing that?? You, young lady, need to not put so much pressure on yourself. Start with Connor...You are going with him over Christmas? Are you sure about this? Don't go just because it's Christmas and you feel obligated. Remember....this is the start of you taking care of YOU. Why do you feel you have to hide the rape while with him? Yes, it's Christmas at his parents house, but that doesn't change what happened to you. If you happen to flinch when someone hugs you, you simply apologize...if they press for why then you can simply say you recently had a bad experience and are still a little jumpy from it. Regarding the money.....I'm so there with having NONE for Christmas and to live on....remember what Christmas is about. Is there anything you can make for presents? A card with a meaningful saying and a note written inside apologizing for not giving a gift, but being a student is rough and things this year have been really hard, but you wanted them to know you are sending holiday wishes and tell them what they mean to you. Regarding Connor wanting to make love...it's up to you!! Don't you do it if you are not comfortable. I don't care how far into it you are, you stop it if you are uncomfortable.

I know theory and writing songs are different, but to play those songs the way you do....the feeling you put into them, the depth you have, you have to have a foundation of theory. Take it one piece at a time. You have a huge load going, lots of different things, don't let it overwhelm you. In Tori's private lesson today he was talking about which degree and what scale--major, minor, blah blah blah--and a bunch of other words that all sounded like blahahahah and Tori was hanging in there with him, giving answers. I asked her afterwards if they were even speaking English!! There are so many opportunities for you for your career...I know why you are confused and frustrated and worried...explore all your options and don't rush it. Don't give up any of your dreams, either. What is the rush to get the album done? Focus on the important things first, one at a time, hon. One at a time.

What happened with your friend? Swallowed a razor? Stick by her and be her friend, but stay out of situations that trigger you...especially where the Uncle is concerned. Remember....taking care of you!