Good for you for standing up for yourself, for not being agressive or swearing. Certainly it made her mad, she was hoping to make you mad or to hurt you and you chose not to let it. Wonderful what happens when we take control of our choices.

It sounds like Connor is trying...which is a huge step above last week. Remember, hon, especially so soon after the rape, you don't have to do anything just because you feel bad even though you don't want to. You are the one that needs care and pampering and gentleness right now. It's very normal for you to super-impose his face on Connors--especially considering you have not had anyone to help you process this and to deal with it how it should be. Are there rape hotlines in your area? You could call one and talk to someone there. You really do need to talk to someone to help work through it. You are doing great, but you know very well that right below the surface is the fear and the anger and everything else. Please, no matter how many times you get told no help, continue seeking it out. If there truly are no help groups around, consider starting one...just a support group for rape victims to know they aren't alone. (big task, more drain on your time, though).

Good call on realizing you really aren't in a place emotionally or otherwise to care for a kitten....let alone a child. I'm sorry your adoption has given you such an outlook on it can be a wonderful thing if handled correctly. You'll know what to do when the time is right. Try not to let the fear of being pregnant weigh on you right now...worrying about it will not help you. Exploring your options will, worrying won't.

K-you are so generous and thoughtful--and talented--and you really are making huge, huge strides. I hope you extremely proud of you. Sure, you'll have times like this when you do end up crying, but now you see that it won't last forever, that there is reason to go on!