maybe i can explain it better today. see it happen when i was growning up as a kid with my mom and sister. i would get yell at, my mom would hit me and call me names and make me feel unwanted where i would go out and find friends moms or friends of the family or even other family members who would give me what i am looking for that my mom didn't give me. i could not understand why my mom would yell at me more then my sister or yell at me for taking my sister places but not us places. and when i was rape and i never told my mom for years and when my sister was rape by our uncle my mom made a big deal out of it and when i told her my coucin rape me, a friend, and my son's father she didn't seem to care too much. i was told to shut up about it. when my sister was pregnant i was ask to move out. my mom would call me slut just because i had male friends she thought i was sleeping with but i was not. but it is ok for my sister to sleep with her kids father brother and my sister's old boyfriend's big brother. that is ok. when i got kicked out of my place because of a friend my sister and mom made a big deal out of it but when my sister got kick out of her house and move with us that was ok and my mom didn't make a big deal out of it but she cute my sister up behind her back. o yes my mom does that cutes my sister up behind her back to me and i know she does that about me too. my mom cutes up her sisters, me, my sister, my friends and manny's family and him behind their backs but when you tell her about it my mom gets mad and turns it all around to make you feel like %#@&#!. when my sister's two kids were born my mom didn't say she hates hospital o no. she was right in the hospital seeing them and everything. but when it came to my two kids my mom and my sister both said they hate hospitals. and i ask them this why. they give me we hate hospitals but when i ask them about when my sister's kids were born and not hating hospitals they had nothing to say. they made a big deal about watching my son when i was stuck in the hospital waiting to have my girl and never came to see my girl when she was born. we had to take our little girl to them and they still made a big deal out of it. my best friends mother came to see my little girl the day she was born but were was my mother. my mom buts down manny and his family and says mean things about him. like when manny's grandfather was dieing my mom call him a old goat. and when manny said it would be nice to have a little girl my mom called him a child M....you know what i am saying...
when i was pregnant with my son and i was trying to get away from his father i move in with my mom and she turn to me and said why don't you live with your father. she never did that to my sister. she gets mad when my sister and the kids do their own things and not spend time with her but she never cared when i did my own things and i even spend time with her when we lived together and my sister never did. my mom and i went out to eat and my sister made a big deal out of that. when i was younger and i was doing drugs and drinking and having a problem my mom never was there for me she never cared. but when my sister who does drugs now my mom never came down on her all my mom did was have a joint with my sister. how about that. what do you make of that. then my mom and sister turns around and says i live to far and it cost too much money to come up and see me or my kids. my sister got mad at me because i drove my niece home on the march break. i didn't mine at all. my sister turns around to me and says that it is ok for me to come down and get my niece to take her to my house on the march break but it isn't ok for my sister to pick her up. i was being nice so she would not take the bus and subway up to my house. so we drove her home with no problems at all and my niece turns it all on me. my niece didn't want to go home. it is like my sister don't trust me or manny and that hurts. and when it comes to me and manny getting married one day i am to ask my family first to be in the wedding not anyone else first. but they laugh at it. and when i said i was sorry for the things i said and sorry for expressing my self and telling them how upset i was and how piss off i was and how hurt i was they just laugh at me and call me dumb.

manny who i am with know this and his mom told him that she can see how much i care about them and she can see just how much they don't care about me or my kids. and i did't want to beleave this because for years i could not understand why until now. if outsiders can see this then maybe it is time for me too see this too. but i don't want too. and after last night and the messeges i was listening to and the way my sister email me and what she said. i guess it is true the truth finilly comes out. why what did i do so wrong for them to treat me like this. is it because i have a man in my life and i live in something better is it because i have move on with my life and they think i am happy. guess what i am not. i am trying to find work and be happy. and they laugh when i told them that manny and i maybe break up this summer because of my son and what he is doing. how nice is that.

well you know now. i am sorry for this. i had to explain as best as i can....