((Dawr))
I am so sorry you are feeling so badly...

You are not a pathetic human being. You are a worthwhile human being doing the best you can right now.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your grandmother.
It sounds like she was a great source of comfort and support for you. It's understandable that you feel so badly when such a positive force in your life is now gone...
Are you able to see a T for guidance and help working through all of these things...either a private T or a counselor at school?
Grieving drains us of so many things and can blind us to ways of feeling better.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, Dawr.
Sharing is a valid and safe way to get support while you are going through such a rough time.
We care

Cap