((C))) i notice this connection more clearly now... you hurt and you want to hurt yourself.. its not punishment, cause you arent horrible and you havent harmed others intentionally.. it leaves you with .... questions then...

since we know you arent a horrible person, we would want you to feel kindness towards self and as always you do, others...

so what could happen to improve this situation? i know you search and search for jobs and answers and you are sincere about it...

what you do is compromise your wants some... ugh compromise, what an ugly word... or is it? how about 'adjustment'?

there are several credit counseling centers available to help manage your financial crisis... if it is slipping beyond your control there are budgeting coaches available... i know all this costs money and how do you pay when you are broke?

that is the time we make payment with our inner spirit.. this 'never give up' attitude pushes us to the limits... human endurance is mighty capable...

sitting with you, understanding, and making an offer of sharing this pain with you because i have been there myself.... only i self harmed in different ways i thought... i think its similar tho...

always sending healing vibes your way...