I have been thinking the past few days about how easy it is to give away little pieces of myself when I have been in a relationship with a male significant other.

What sparked this was an email from Pat about skin care products that are harmful. It seems as if the lengths to which women are required to go to achieve beauty standards have no end.

From girdles we have escalated to liposuction. From make-up to cosmetic surgery. From uncomfortable underwire bras to breast augmentation. The list goes on and on. And now even innocent seeming moisturizers and similar products may be harmful.

But that, I think, is not the least of it. It seems as if I always wind up changing my life to be in the relationship. Little things at first, but in the end, what is left. For my husband, I sold furniture he thought was tacky, even though it was new. He had a friend who owned a thrift shop and sent me there to get clothing he would like better than my new, off-the-racks clothing.

For Paul, I changed my career, going to graduate school for 6 years. And when I didn't get tenure, he left five weeks later.

It starts small of course. Not doing things I used to do to spend more time with the man. Then not doing those things at all. Doing only the things he likes to do. Not cooking fish dishes with fruit compotes because he doesn't think meat and fruit belong together.

And this time, in the end, I was told that the whole relationship was about me from beginning to end.

My T and friends have said that this is what people do -- we make compromises in relationships. It's normal.

I'm not sure that's true for me. I'm not sure I know how to set a boundary that protects myself.

I feel that women barter away little pieces of themselves for the sake of the relationship.

What do you think?