Hi Angeleyes:
You are obviously an excellent and caring mother, despite the mistakes you said you made. Nate is very, very lucky to have you and his brothers and sisters.

Gosh, this triggers so many thoughts and memories. Not sure where to start.

My boyfriend's childhood was similar to yours, and his dad and Nate's have some things in common from what I know. He hasn't heard from his dad since he was 14. And my boyfriend's initially noted gifted intelligence and eventual academic deteroriation parallels your son's (only he didn't have the high school intervention and recovery - GREAT job, Angeleyes!). He's not homeless or carless (he lives with me and we share my car), but he has been essentially jobless for several years now. The scariest thing that you wrote in your post is that YOUR SON'S EX-GIRLFRIEND SOUNDS LIKE ME. Hopefully, I'm NOT controlling, but I don't know... maybe his family thinks I am? Because I have been doing the same things for my boyfriend that Nate's ex-gf was doing for him? Honestly, as his mom - do you see that as controlling? Or was it something else, too? I really want to know, because I do NOT want to control my boyfriend, and his mom hasn't given me that feedback (at least not to my face). He is also, like Nate, very quiet and withdrawn (not usually around me, but around others, definitely), considers simple things complicated (and conversely, complicated things like mechanics and physics are simple for him), and does not make efforts to keep in touch with his family or friends.

PLEASE do not beat yourself up over how he has turned out. You haven't neglected him. You've been observant and supportive, from what you have said. But I do think that you're right in that at his age, it is probably beyond a case of a brilliant guy with a lack of common sense. A medical and/or psychological evaluation is probably a good idea, I would think.

My boyfriend's mom hasn't really gotten too involved in his depression, although I know that she worries about him a lot, and feels guilty about the same things you feel guilty about. This is such a tough situation, with no "project plan" to follow to ensure a guaranteed positive outcome.

Your summary and background information is great, thank you. Why don't you talk more about this next step of him moving back home. Also, do you have a counselor for yourself? I cannot imagine doing what you are doing by yourself - you are obviously a very strong woman. I admire you, already.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!