HOLY MILKSHAKES BATMAN,

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I SAID TO T TODAY.

Today's session was about repair and needing to feel safe and held by T. It was the last session before his vacation next week and I knew that what I needed was to feel good when I left. I read him a poem I wrote about the rupture and we laughed together. It was very connected. I gave him the poem and told him it was his Christmas present. It was easy--the connection felt so genuine...and as I was about to tell him something I hear a word come out of my mouth that I use when I am addressing H. OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE I SAID THAT. SOOOOOOO, I quickly covered up and kept talking as if NOTHING totally embarrassing just came out of my mouth. T didn't say anything but I know he hears EVERYTHING because he totally has bloody dog hearing!

In case you are wondering what I said, it wasn't sexual but in the category of honey.......