Fury - it's ok, don't worry, you're fine about talking a lot about your family here, and I really wasn't talking about you when I posted this thread: it was just something I had come across that I wasn't aware of before. I would appreciate contributions here though, if you'd like. kathy was saying that you have the choice of forgiving the abuser or not forgiving the abuser - and that both are ok. So if you don't want to forgive your mother for the things she's done, that's fine, don't feel guilty about it.