Quote:
Originally Posted by coconut64
I don't know if I'm spiraling like EM or escalating...but this is bothering me more and more. I don't remember it bothering me last year.
Lately we have been talking about how my dad used to buy my silence/affection with $. Who knows. Maybe it's because it's the holidays and I'm having a hard time this year. Or maybe because it makes the relationship about money. It makes me question whether it is real? Whether it is just about money for him? I can't help but think that if I'm coming x3 weekly, it should be considered. When he discussed fees, he said it goes both ways. Maybe I'm just looking for a way to be the special client. Maybe I feel like I'm my dad now, buying his affection with money. Who knows. The mind is an endless of pain and I don't want to pay anymore. (Oppps Freudian slip, I was going to write I don't want to PLAY anymore).
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Wow, coconut, this is bringing up a lot for you....and that's really important to pay attention to.
For me, the only real way out of the spiral (when T is the "cause") is to talk to T about it...to be honest and tell him all of my fears, suspicions, worries, etc. I know it's uncomfortable to talk about finances with T for a lot of people, but is this something you can bring up with him to discuss some more??
It's amazing how one thing (fees) can lead to another (dad) in T, isn't it??
