in those brief times when i havent been depressed i come to realize that not only do i not feel depressed, but i also dont feel love or excitement or any strong emotion at all. those examples that you said may make me feel somewhat, but it's fleeting. plus it's a negative emotion, which is why i can feel it. it seems if i dont feel a negative emotion, i cant feel a positive one either. thats why the idea of getting better is so terrifying