Wow, so you have a lot going on too!!!

So I don't know anything about the bipolar or depression issues but I do know how it feels to feel guilty that your husband loves you sooo much and you feel bad for how you treat him... and the no sex thing for long periods of time, etc... (Obviously, from my other posting, him and I have picked it up in the sex department, but I have been where you are before.)

Here's my advice for you... Stop all contact with this other man. If you want to be married, you need to cut off contact with this other person, period. He can't know that you still think about him and you need to law down the law and tell him it's totally over...no communication with him period, what so ever. Thinking about him will get less and less over time.

Sex is important. Trying to convince yourself otherwise is not going to make you not want it any less. You will just continue to seek the attention of outside people to make you feel complete. What does he do when you try to cuddle with him, hold his hand, initiate sex with him?

You sound like you are not happy with your weight. Being happy with yourself might be a good start on feeling better about your marriage. Start an exercise program. Make yourself feel HOT, and hopefully he will too!

It sounds like you have a great guy here and they are hard to find. Is there anything that you know of that turns him on?

Wishing you the best...