Beside me is the mail... the mail includes an eviction notice and a power disconnect final notice. My car has a square tire (bald in weird way) and about 1/10th tank of gas. I have no money, negative money actually since my accounts are overdrawn. I have no job. I have no place to go. I have no one to help... a friend tried to help, western unioned me $500 but somehow the transaction got messed up... the money came out of his account but was cancelled in their system so it will be 6 days before he gets that refunded. This place goes dark in 3 days...

The reasons don't even matter anymore... I know a lot of people are a lot worse but this hurts. I'm going to spend Christmas in a broken car with my cats at the pier. I'm going to spend my 30th birthday homeless. I feel like my childhood has reclaimed me... I fought so hard to get out of poverty, abuse, and misery... I did all the "right" things... I put myself through school and ended up with 3 degrees including a new grad degree just last week... I volunteer my time ALL the time...

I just got back from dropping off some donations... I took responsibility for 8 kids this winter and managed to get bikes, helmets, and toys/clothes for them all just by going to people I know and asking for help... and I can't even ask for help for myself... well, I did ask my sister, she ltierally laughed... and the parents moan about how they aren't able... how quickly they forget that the sacrifices I made to help them over the last year is the main reason I'm in this situation right now... I helped them keep their homes and in the process, I lost mine...

I guess I need to go pack. I'm going to cry a little first, I need to cry. I didn't think I'd be going through this at 30... this just validates every horrible thing my family ever said to me. They are right... I tried to fit in out there in the real world... and look where it got me... I'm crying to strangers via stolen neighbor-internet...

Thanks for listening, happy holidays.