I certainly believe you and I am so very sorry you are feeling like this, feeling so hopeless. There is a point in trying--the point is YOU. Is there a crisis line you can call? I believe the Samaritans are in your area. Do not give up. You are hurting so bad and I know you are asking why not give up...you have a boyfriend. There is one positive. Believe that you are worth the struggle. Believe that the future does not have to be the past. Please, honey, please call someone. Tell the doctors you do not want to live anymore....that's a little more than having a bad day. Please check in here frequently. Post and post and post. Post all your feelings and thoughts, join the chats, look into the resources here, call for help, let your boyfriend in, let him help you.