thank you. i was in a very bad place last week and the week before. but i am feeling a little bit better. thinking a little more clearly anyway.

i spent Sunday to Tuesday with my two best friends (a married couple) and being with them helped calm me down and let me escape everything for a little while. it was a blessing!!!!!

i'm still feeling badly, but not quite that desperately. i did come close to going to the hospital - for me that is as desperate as i get before doing something that can't be undone.

i do really really thank you for all your posts!!! multipixie9

i feel detached from my life - which is what's so hard right now. there are so many many many many things i should be doing but can't. i am looking into vocational rehab that i found out about last week - it might be possible that they could help with some therapy. the state program would pay for it...if they see it as being necessary to helping me work. i'm afraid how i'll feel if it falls through though.

as for the basic necessities. i was able to get an extension on my electricity until mid-january. the water is still shut off. but i'm working ways of fitting a shower here and there at a friends or parents so no one realizes what's going on. like tomorrow my parents are taking my aunt to lunch and a movie...so i'm gonna go over to their house to shower and wash a load of clothes. pathetic but it will get me through this week. the friends i stayed with this past week picked up on some stuff and i know they know i'm financially strapped. my friend felt the need to "clean" out her pantry so i took home some cans of soup. next week there'll be lots and lots of left overs from Christmas. i know i'm thinking in the short term...but that's all i can handle right now.

my little thanks you for what you said. she feels bad that she hurt herself and wanted to be an angel. she worries that it made me sad. but i told her it was ok. being with my best friends really really helped calm her down. they accept her and kind of parent her. she feels safe with them and can be herself. so that was awesome for her. she got to play video games and bake cookies.

((((hugs)))) & thank you's