~~~~~~~I hope that some of the younger members who pine for a relationship will be motivated to think about what the trade is. Susan/Ozzie, I think you've struck upon something important, too, the issue of self-esteem.~~~~~~~~

i want the younger women to hear this...i was thrust into the role of "cheerleader" for Richard and i didn't even realize it until the divorce...my therapist helped me establish a pattern of all the times that i was left standing there, shaking my head, and thinking "what did i just say?" we were able to look at what part i played in being forced to give "me" away and how i could have prevented it..IF i had know what the heck WAS going on. i had thought that i had put my pom-poms down when i went away to college.

i'd like to think that i'm wiser now, because i'm older. i think i'm just more frightened that someone else might do the same thing Richard did...

when we were in the throes of "cheating, lying and betrayal"...R went to a psychiatrist in Oklahoma City..(couldn't go to one in our town, people might see him and immediately jump to the conclusion that he wasn't perfect) the Pdoc made him tell me two things.

1. he was addicted to perfection.
2. in every situation in our life, where one of us was going to look bad, he manipulated the people involved and I ALWAYS LOOKED BAD..boy that was a shocker. BECAUSE, i spent had years, standing there scratching my head and saying, "what is going on?".....

the four children had the usual teen problems and he never, ever helped handle those situations...thus, it was moi, the evil mother, and Richard, the guy who was at the hospital, saving lives and looking good!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Wants, i needed to finish this and i did.......pat