I see my T tonight. I am kind of excited and scared.
I printed out all these articles on BPD (with which I was diagnosed with several years ago) and I made notes on them and gave them to her to read. I want to have her say I was misdiagnosed. These articles show such a negative perspective on people with BPD. One site warns people to stay away from people with this disorder.
I already hate myself...that is nothing new. But now I feel like if I have this disorder I am nothing but a piece of garbage that people don't want to have anything to do with. And, what if my T decides the same thing about me.
I feel like a monster, freak, loser.
I am having a hard time thinking anything good about me.
I feel like I am on this huge roller coaster for years now.
I have a few months here and there where things are good. Then I drift back into suicidal thoughts, SI, and a deep sense of hurt and shame. I am tired of these routine.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that out today.
Thanks for listening!