I've been on a long therapy break while my T has been away. Only a few more weeks to go. Yesterday I was feeling really strongly like I missed her and needed to feel her say something nice to me. Normally I do NOT express these things to her, though I'm sure she knows it's a touchy area for me. Anyway, I went ahead and emailed her and pretty much made it clear that I was missing her and needed something (encouragement? kindness?) from her. She hasn't responded yet.

Why did I do it? Because I wanted her to see what it's like for me, even if I don't usually express it. That sometimes it is really intense and desperate and I need to feel connected to her. She hasn't responded yet (I'm sure she will when she gets around to checking her email).

But if she doesn't say what I need her to say, then that will probably help me too. I think that's why I went ahead and emailed her in the first place. Either she will respond and say what I need and it will feel good and make me happy, or she won't and I will feel rejected but see the truth and be able to let go and move on. That's really how it feels to me. That this email response will decide everything.

I don't know why I'm posting except maybe I know on some level that this is a lot to put on one email. If anyone has suggestions for other ways to handle this or think about it, I am open to that, but please don't tell me I'm being unreasonable. Just not up for that, thanks.