jennie,

I do not face the same deal in my healing work but have been in enough therapy groups with women facing the same issue you do. In witnessing their healing firsthand I was able to see that yes, some women do eventually become their authentic self.

When you write that you avoid feeling the feelings or pretend that you don't have them that is a way of coping. It sounds to me like that material is still very raw.

I don't know if you have ever considered doing group work for this specifically but in my observation while doing group work the women who were able to talk in that setting about their experiences better 'normalized' their experiences than those that never spoke.

I'm not saying that talking is the key. It is more of a combination of talking in the right setting, with the right amount of safe support and with a well trained therapist whose background includes lots of trauma training.

Your first post asks if anyone really knows this stuff. I'd say yes. From what I have observed in people over the years I've been doing my healing work that yes people DO really know this stuff. People do understand the confusion and mix ups that are so particular to this type of abuse.

Pace yourself on this work. You're doing some really hard stuff.

Take care j.