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trigger: refers to sexual abuse incident
hi pink,
i relate to what you are saying except in the negative way. i had an incident when i was around 9 or 10. my 2 older brothers and i were visiting my grandmother and playing with two 15 year old twins. one of them separated me from my brothers who stayed with the other twin. i had a memory that stopped short of what really happened and i was dissociated and said that the story was he got me somewhere and attempted to play strip poker with me and that we quit when i wouldn't strip. the true story of what happend that day did not show up for around 40 years.
my mind dissociated, altered storylines and events and did whatever i had to in order to survive extremes of abuse for long periods of time. i had a great deal of amnesia. i'm still kind of freaked out that i have one "relatively believeable set of childhood memories" that actually leave out enormous amounts of my actual life history.
you said that this year was traumatic for you in other, significant ways - it may be you lost what ordinarily you would value in the midst of other things too painful to retain - sometimes the good gets lost with the bad! sadly, the dissociative behaviors that helped us so much were NOT totally beneficial !!!!! hang in there, you're doing well!
leslie and pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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