welcome to pc! i think you will find help and support here. 
i'm not familiar with torture depression but a part of my experiences i hope will encourage you. it took quite a while of therapy, changing meds to find what worked, and a lot of effort on my part to stick with it so i could live a more fulfilling life. i have depression and know it can stop one in one's tracks. hope you''ll keep posting or reading the posts. i find it is a good way to connect witrh others that can relate to our condition.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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