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Kaika, I wish I had the answers to your questions. Trusting is such a HUGE issue that it is difficult to look beyond that and see situations situations for what they are. Memories are not always the same...you can ask several people about the same thing and you will get as many answers, so what is perceived as not true may not be correct...just because someone said it wasn't that way doesn't make it false...to this day my mom denies ever being mean and overwhelmingly controlling, demanding, and unforgiving, yet all of us inside know that she was our #1 abuser. Just because a human says it can't be true, doesn't mean it isn't. We perceive things so differently than our brother. He says mom was an angel, and we must not have lived in the same house as he did because he didn't see the abuse happen...but it DID happen, right under our brother's nose, and he didn't see it. Accepting the parts that are so foreign to us, and want to do us harm goes a long way in beginning to trust. Fighting their existence, and their role played, is an integral part of learning to resolve the pain and abuse we continue to feel.
I am right here for you. I won't go away unless you ask me to, and will stand with you, sit with you, and be there for you to talk to anytime. You are safe here, and will always be. I know that it doesn't seem that way at times, but you are. I hope that you can rest in that right now during this season, and let those here be your strength and comfort. Crys
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others.
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