I also have had the same thoughts. I've also had periods where I get in the habit of praying to God to let me die today. As with everyone else, talk to your t. I never shared w/a t about any of the abuse I experienced as a kid&it's made for a very difficult&almost no more me year after I finally talked about some of it&started to remember more via dreams&triggers. Don't stuff your feelings or cast them aside as nothing even when you know they're disturbing to you. Take them to your t or here&get it out. Stuffing it for 33 years has made me both mentally&physically ill-don't follow in my footsteps-it's a mess! When you stuff your emotions, no matter how painful, it's even more painful when it's all built up to a volcanic level-once it starts it just keeps adding more&bursting out right when you think you're getting the hang of it. That hurts more than if you just get it out as it occurs/is remembered. Remember there are a lot of us here who understand&you'd be surprised at how many "normal" people have the same feelings at least once in their lives. Hope that helps.