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Jewels · Dec 21, 2008, 05:09 PM

Donna,
I KNOW exactly how you feel right now. There have been times that I played the music so loud it bothered the neighbors, but I didn't turn it down, and I hurt so bad that everyone was scared I was going to hurt them, and they ran away and hid anywhere they could. I ranted, and raved, and threw hissy fits and even self-harmed until I was exhausted. It felt good, but I wasn't being very nice to everyone else, and in the end I ended up with some pretty scared kids and adults in our system. I now have some coping techniques that help me so I don't self-harm, and everyone is much happier inside. I still get really really REALLY angry and throw things and cuss and yell and play bad music very loud, but now I can CHOOSE to do it, I don't HAVE to do it. Some of the things I do is find the hugest pillow in the house, get my tennis racket, and beat the HELL out of the pillow, until my arms hurt and I can't breathe anymore. I also get ice out of the freezer and squeeze it in my hands until it melts really quickly. If that doesn't work, I scream and scream and scream into the pillow that I just beat the hell out of, and then I can't scream no more because my voice is hoarse and sore. What it all boils down to is that I CHOOSE to do healthier things so that everybody is comfortable and we aren't hurt so bad. If you want, you can email me or pm me. I can always come and talk. Just know you are understood more than you think. LEAH