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Oh (((((Donna)))))
Don't be sorry. I repeat: DON'T BE SORRY for the way you feel. Please don't be scared. I know Christmas is a B:I:G trigger for us too, and I used to act out because I was so scared and afraid and angry. Worrying about things is going to put you over the top, and then you will start to act out too. I would try to just work on the room when you feel like it, and tell everyone that they are free to work on the room when they feel like it too. Tell them that it is as much their room as it is yours, and invite them to go in when you are not there so they can decorate it the way they want their portion to be like. You guys aren't bad at all. You are very intelligent to have kept Mandy safe all these years. Well, sometimes in the beginning I was SO angry that everyone was afraid of me, even Yahna. The level of anger was destructive, and I did a LOT of destructive things to the body. It's ok to feel the way you are feeling. Those emotions are ok. They are normal.
Christmas time is a very upsetting time for us too. We usually end up inpatient because of me, so you aren't the only ones who are having a hard time right now. Know that you are NOT bad, that you are NOT hated, and you certainly ARE brave for coming out at all. Why don't you leave Mandy a note and ask her if it's all right if you pm me? You don't know until you ask if it's ok. And maybe she will be glad that you have someone to talk to about stuff, which might make it easier for you to talk to her T in the future. Donna, you need to go inside and let someone else take the load for a while. You sound like you need to rest, and you are so stressed right now. I'd like you to stay around for a while, because I think I like you already, and don't really know you yet! And, if Mandy says it's ok, then you will have someone to talk to, which will help too. So, take care of yourself and Mandy and let someone else come and watch for a while. You deserve to be nice to yourself right now.
Hugs,
LEAH
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others.
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