it was a Nurse I work with - she has been attacked a number of times - as have i in the past - I have stood inbeteen patients and her before to protect her - the patients were always recovering from major trauma and confused - the difference this time is that the guy knew what he was doing, used a weapon (trying not to trigger anyone) and that it lasted for about 6 hours including the time i had to look after him after the attack - i tried to explain that this was different because of those factors but she cant see it - she just thinks im weak and i ..... i used to be strong ...but now.. I feel ... i dont know what i feel - i dont want to feel anymore.

I am so scared about seeing my T - she is going to do EMDR - and i am hoping that will help - so I shouldnt be afraid - I hate that word afraid - I have told her how it feels like I am in the middle of a storm when things are bad and she wants me to go there in the session - i dont know if I can do that and survive - it is going to be so hard to tell her about how i have been thinking..... second by second I can get through this - but now i seem to be more scared of tomorrow than of my thoughts - i am so tired of being scared.