My relationship with my dad was really weird. He has been an alcoholic all my life and was more of a friend than a dad. He asked me if I was smoking when I was 16, I said yes, and I got an "Ok. Just wondering." Him and my mom got divorced when I was 7 and then him and my step-mom got divorced when I was 17. Hes gotten a couple DUIs and one night in April of 2005, he spent the night in jail for trying to strangle my step-mom.

She had looked at the phone bill and saw a number she didnt know pop up a lot so she called it and it was the woman my dad had been cheating with (theyre still together today). I don't know if he ever cheated on my mom but he was away a lot when he worked in construction to go to different places to do contracting work.

But he used to tell me all this stuff about how my mom was trying to turn all of us against him and I got really close with him. Then I found out (when I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship) that my mom was physically afraid of him for close to the whole 22 years of their marriage. So she had kept all this stuff inside so that she wouldnt ruin my relationship with him.Thats what made me realize what kind of a man he really is. That he was really the one trying to turn me against my mom.

He still drinks, though not as much. He has pancreitis(sp?), high blood pressure, high triglycerides, high cholesterol and gout- all due to alcoholism. Plus I found out when I was 14 that, not only does he smoke pot regularly, but he was allowing my brother to grow it in our house when I was little. Plus he's told me about times hes done cocaine,mushrooms and all kinds of other drugs. (everything but heroine really)

So yeah, our relationship is a little messed up. Neither of my parents ever physically abused me ever. But he is quite a womanizer and goes for controlling women then gets mad at them for trying to control him. Hes kind of like a 22 yr old trapped in a 58 yr olds body. And he told me when I was abt 17 that he kind of resented us(his kids) for him never being able to go out an party when he was younger.

Ugh. Well. I have been feeling better. Yesterday I told my boyfriend everything I was feeling that Im not good enough for anyone and that he would probably be happier with someone else. And he was very understanding. Since then he has been referring to me as "my beautiful, gorgeous, amazing girlfriend" lol I guess trying to make me feel better.

Once he saw that it wasn't just me being petty, that I actually do hate myself, he kinda loosened up on it a little.Cause before it was just "get over it" but now I think he sees that its an actual problem, not just me being moody or whatever.

Thanks everyone for your responses.