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i guess you really could say you have no place to go but up. i am sorry to hear so many things have gone so wrong. there is so much you have no control over such as the losses and tragedy in your family. i feel really concerned when you say your drugs are your only friend. i've been addicted to pain pills and i thought it was my friend until i finally realized it was killing me. when i got off the drugs and detoxed and got some recover i felt so much better than i had in so long. it is amazing that the pills made me hurt more when i got addicted. ok, off the soap box.
i do care. keep coming back and let us support you while you get into a better place. you are going to get better this next year.
leslie and her pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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