My heartfelt thanks, T...

The other side now.
Tet Offensive/71st Evac was my baptism; my initiation into a very special club with outrageous dues.

Honestly? Your thanks threw me a wee bit...
I've always felt that my 91st patients got half of me. The other half was at Pleiku, spiritually drained and physically exhausted. No R&R between assignments does not make for a happy nurse.

Forgive me for not smiling more. You see...if I smiled, I felt. If I felt, I wept.
"Never let 'em see you cry." Mantra that kept us going, but first it was an order from the Colonel.

It's my belief that few of us, if any, felt we were doing enough for our guys. Y'all were not patients; you were brothers. Forgive me for remembering your wounds and not remembering your face. Not true...I remember many faces.
Faces of fear and of pain.
I remember the hugs or the clasping of hands when one of you would stabilize and head out, and the gratitude I felt that another one made it home.
It made it a bit better whenever we thought of the others who didn't. We must have done something right if one more made it home.

Made it home...
so did my first husband
then he died from his wounds
from the war that changed so much for our generation

Self medication started then big time. It was a point of honor that I never used any drug meant for y'all, Troy. I do know a few of the others did, and for that I'm sorry.
JW Red was my companion when I was off shift. Twelve on, twelve off if we were lucky. I could drink for close to two hours, finally get some sleep, no hangover, butt dragging...'course all of us were beyond being tired.

Did you know how much we respected and loved you guys?
So few, so very few ever made life hard for us. You accepted what we had to do, seldom struck out at us although it hurt so badly you were stifling the screams...
I still hear them with my heart, T

Long ago I gave up the survivors guilt. I became grateful.
Six of us--nursing sisters.
We agreed we would do wonderful and happy things and say;
"This one's for you..." Not one special soldier, all the ones we left behind.
Ran through the wildflowers naked
Sang off key and didn't care...and we sang loudly
Hugged old men and their old ladies
Stood at attention when the National Anthem was played
Rode a Harley up and down the Rockies with a helluva funny Brit
and
shared in our minds with their spirits

Sound foolish? In some ways, yes it was. It soothed us to think we were making them part of life; sharing what they missed.
I was over 30 before I made peace with it and let it go.
I will not pick it up again.

So, yeah, T....I also thank you.
We grew up, didn't we? Went from being teens to hard hearts. Then allowed healing to even become a thought. No one told us we had to heal--deal with it, they said.
How do you deal with what we went through?! Was it worse than The Big War? Yes, when they came home the country cheered. When we came home,
whatever

Cap