I just wanted to say it was very scary (theres that word again ) telling my T what had happened - I ended up writing it down and letting her read it - there would have been no way I could have said the words - nervewracking whilst she read it - but i think the session went better because of it - as I have trouble admitting to how scared i feel to her.

Had the EMDR and it worked at first then I hit a stumbling block - I was thinking about letting go of my hypervigilence and instead of letting it go i just got tenser and tenser and my hand went into a fist and then the other one started - so we stopped and did something else - I guess im not ready to let that go - in my heart i still think i can keep everyone safe if i remain on high alert - so how can i let it go?

We filled in my "well of sadness" in my mind and planted a tree there - it was a great visual - the well was dark and .... well lets not go there - but the tree we planted was beautiful and it was an apple tree and then she went to her bag and gave me an apple! - made me laugh! first time for ages.

After the session I got really sad again - dont know why - but i handled it - am still handling it -Will see her in about 2 weeks time hopefully for another EMDR session - I have taken a step back from the edge and that is enough for now - thanks for being there P7