Yack...I'm sorry you are having to struggle with this issue of money regarding the wedding. Personally, I think a simple ceremony with a justice of the peace at the courthouse is preferable. I really do!
You said, "can someone talk me into the courthouse thing? My mother says "don;t do that" but won't help us pay. " Then neither your mother nor the inlaws should have a say in whatever your choice.

I have to add my 2 cents here about weddings in general. Society seems to put more and more emphasis, with the reality TV shows about expensive weddings, etc. That is yuck and double yuck! It's not what it's all about, hunnybunny. The wedding vows are a commitment to each other, and the cost is unimportant.

Just last summer, a high school friend's son had a $50,000 wedding. The girl insisted on it, and her parents paid the whole bill. Now, less than a year later, the girl has kicked the boy out and is divorcing him!

You have known your fella for 10 years. When I read your initial post in this thread, a red light came on for me. Are the two of you "in sync" regarding money and finances. I'm a little concerned for you regarding this.

Patty