Hey there, I am also bipolar, schizoeffective and borderline personality disorder. You are not alone here! Holidays always effect people, especially if your disorder is really flaring up. The emphasis is placed on being festive when you just don't feel like it. It sounds like you have lived with it for a long time so your natural coping mechanisms will kick in. Just let yourself feel like crap for a while and run its natural course. You will come out of eventually. How long have you been with your partner? Maybe take the risk and tell him/her how you feel. If he is worth his/her salt, they will listen and be a good sounding board even if what you say may not make sense to you right now. I am sure that you have a therapist on board and if not, it might be a good time to find one. I always think of the ocean and the rhythm of nature and that brings me peace and perspective. Chin up. We are all thinking of you.