(((((gimmeice)))))

Since she's really into our DBT skills, I'm sure T would remind me to use my wise mind. She would ask me how I could reframe these thoughts I'm having. I think you've said something very important, gimmeice - I think this is husbands problem, not mine. He's an adult and he can make things happen too (like a traditional Christmas). I realized that he is mad because he feels like we don't have any money to spend on traveling to see his kids and grandkids. He's frustrated because we have a few thousand in the bank but all of it is spoken for (including an emergency fund and a Christmas trip is not an emergency). If we had planned for a trip and saved for it, I'd have no issue with going somewhere but honestly, I really feel like I'm not very important when he's around the kids and grandkids. I can see how different he is when he's around them and how happy he is too. I end up feeling even more inadequate than I usually do.

I'm sure at some point he'll tell me he's sorry that he got mad, but I just don't care for his apologies anymore. He seems to ruin every special occaission by doing this. Every holiday is rated by how much contact he has with his kids.

I don't know why I think this year would be any different. It's been like this for 20+ years now. He's never been happy without his kids (he divorced when they were little kids and they moved out of state). They are 25 and 29 now and he still calls them almost every day. It's not that I don't want him to have a good relationship with them, it's just that I think he needs to pay attention to our relationship first. But I'll never be first to him. It'll always be the kids and now the grandkids.

So, I've been sitting here watching Christmas movies just waiting for him to come out and apologize to me. But I won't hold my breath waiting on that to happen tonight. I guess tomorrow will bring whatever it brings.

I just thought too that husband took this week off (he had to use up some vacation time) but he never planned anything. I guess he was depending on me to do that too. He probably thinks this whole week has sucked because we haven't done much of anything. He complains about it but he never does anything to change it. But who am I to talk...