Now that you seem to be past the point you were 'a while back', it would be a great time to talk to your pdoc about this.

Suicidal thoughts are thoughts and are often about the amount of pain a person is in at that time. It is a way of saying I am in "this much" pain and I don't know what to do about it, I may not have words for what's happening except that I'm feeling *this* bad.

Glad that you're feeling better.