I told T I would not cut tonight. She said it would be taking anger out on myself and I don't deserve the anger, I am not bad. Being does not = doing. Cause I am a screw up at work. So I have envisioned that I would cut a different place and what it would be like and how it wouldn't show. I have been a long time without, and it usually is not in a place that shows. I am hurting beyond words and that is the other reason to cut. But it makes me feel guilty and shameful and bad and secretive so tonight I will not cut.