although i don't think they're apparent at the moment, since i am now on good terms with the person who caused this, i want to know other people's opinions about this once and for all, because i am not satisfied if i just 'think' something is the case. Here were the symptoms i had...
I got the most SEVERE anxiety at Band Camp... because marching band season was during the worst time of things between me and Evan. I couldn't eat for a week due to the anxiety of that one day.
I couldn't listen to the baritone saxophone, that gave me anxiety beause that was the instrument Evan played.
I couldn't look at the font Tempus Sans, that gave me anxiety because that was the font he'd use when we talked online. The only time anything happened was when we talked online; i dont use the phone much.
In quite a few situations when having arguments with a friend, the way they approached me about something, made me feel like i had to defend myself against Evan again... like the things that i said, even though i felt they had worth, were now worthless and that i was only making excuses to try and prove myself. Because of the fact that i could never prove myself it made me feel like anyone could see through me and see that i was only making excuses, and i ceased to believe any of the things i said to people. All this was just because something someone said reminded me of something he said.
When i would see him, when he would visit my school once in a while... id shake, clench my fists, all my muscles, because i wanted more than anything just to kick him in the nuts. But i couldn't. When it got at the most intense point, i would stop shaking and stare into nothing until i stared so long i got tunnel vision. It made it feel like i was sleeping, because it was that same feeling of weight all over your body that you get when you are sleeping. So sometimes, as to not draw any more attention to myself i would pretend i was sleeping... and id feel like i was in a deep deep sleep just from the state of my body and mind... and the feeling of weight. The only word i can use to describe it is catatonic, though having heard of what a real catatonic state is, this would definitely not be it... but still, its a bit scary.
Not a day goes by that i don't think of him and say his name and go through the situations that happened with him. Even though things are kind of okay now... i still do. Once in a while i'll have a dream about it. Quite often my thoughts will result in me crying just asking myself "why?"
I realized after i started to feel better, that every single song in the music files i have on my computer remind me of him. Like a certain song would be my, "if evan had a heart" song. (Konstantine by Something Corporate) or my "scary evan" song (They All Fall Down by sr-71) And then i completely and entirely flip out on someone if they tell me to get over it. Especially when that certain person was one that was there for me during some very bad parts of the situation(s)

Is this post traumatic stress disorder?

if he hurts me again, i'm probably going to go completely and entirely crazy. they'll have to lock me up.

at one point, i believed that this totem stone he had given me (on it carved a scorpion to symbolize strength) i thought that somehow he had a hold on my mind with that stone, and that whenever i would cut after thoughts of him, he was thinking of me and making me do that.... how messed up is that? Chances are, it'll be back sometime. i can feel it. its only on temporary leave. maybe because i can see it from his point of view also. understanding is the key to everything. EVERYTHING. but, i would really really really like to know what anyone thinks.
~Julie

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist