thank you for your post, imapatient. that's really something i hadn't considered (about over-reporting harming him too) and i think what you said makes sense. i think it really took me by surprise, is all, because we had talked about self harm in the past and he had never reported and so i thought this time would be the same. i'm angry at him for changing the rules without telling me.

thank you for the hugs, echoes. i am reluctant to start looking for a new T... so much history to go through again, having to learn to trust a new person, also now being afraid that saying the wrong thing will get me in trouble. but i think ultimately that i will need therapy to help me with my depression, so i guess eventually i will have to return to therapy in some form.

i will keep posting here while pdoc is away and hopefully make a decision about whether to go back to old T or not when he returns. i think that at this point, a break from T is probably the best idea, though.